The Domino Effect
Imagine a set of dominoes carefully lined up in the most creative pattern you can think of. Holding your breath, you set the last domino in position. With a sigh of relief you take a step back to analyze your masterpiece. But you step too quickly and for a precarious moment time pauses.
The domino teeters back and forth.
Your fingers are crossed, but regardless the first domino falls. In seconds your masterpiece is nothing more than a fallen pile of plastic pieces.
The fear of being hurt, stemming from personal experiences in the past, cause those who experience violence to perceive it as acceptable and in turn use the same violent methods on others.
Those who are raised in broken homes have potential to rise above what has caused them harm, but they also have the choice to follow the pattern that was laid out for them.
When one of the dominant figures in the household uses violence to maintain their authority, the child present is struck with an overwhelming sense of fear. As they grow up this fear influences their actions, provoking self-defense or setting an example for them to follow in their life.
Fear can make people do things they wouldn't normally do and mold them into what they hate. We first encounter fear in the place where we spend the most time: our homes.
Fox News claims that the number of domestic violence cases in Utah is on the rise.
Violence in the Home
The dominoes will continue to fall without action.
The Utah Domestic Violence Council states that: “Frequent exposure to violence in the home...teaches [children] that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.”
These people adopt the mentality that abusing other people is morally acceptable. They don’t understand how their actions affect those around them.
As a society we have unknowingly propagated this mentality and the avoidance of the problem is what allows domestic violence to flourish.
As BYU students we can educate ourselves on this topic and find small ways to help.
This past Valentine’s Day people from our own communities stepped forward as a part of 1 Billion Rising, using media to make violence against women impossible to ignore.
“If the youngsters understand that the way to treat people is the way that you want to be treated, that violence and control, any kind of verbal abuse is wrong—we could change things.”~Joe Torre
There are programs that allow children to feel welcome, and most importantly, not alone. Changing the way children feel at home allows them to apply secure feelings to their future homes.
Don’t be afraid of standing up to help. As Margaret Mead said:
"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have."
I agree with the statement that “[t]hose who are raised in broken homes have potential to rise above what caused them harm.” However, I feel like this post mostly focuses on that fact that children are more likely to follow the examples that are set for them. Meaning, if children have violence in their homes, then they will be likely to have violence in their own homes. When I think of stories like this, my mind automatically reverts to victims of the Holocaust. While we may be told stories more often of the Jews’ heroic deeds rather than their complaining, the majority still chose to make the most out of what little humanity they had left in their lives. They were faced with great fear, yet they remained humane. I also concur that if we educate ourselves, we can find more ways to help. Nothing is ever accomplished through ignorance.
ReplyDeleteI did focus a lot on the impact that violence can have in children's lives. While writing this I didn't think much about the different kinds of violence that can affect people. I was focusing more on direct violence from members of the family, versus an outside force. I find what you said about the Holocaust interesting. I never would have connected that! They chose to be the people they wanted to be, and when it comes down to it I think that anyone can be who they want, regardless of their past. What other people do to a person can be overcome, if the person wants to overcome it. I'm glad you agree with the importance of educating ourselves about these situations. If people don't know how to help, they generally won't. Thanks for your input!
DeleteI agree with your points in this post. Especially the parts about children growing up in abusive homes becoming abusive in the future. I do, however, feel like this is the main focus of the post, and not the fear of being hurt. I enjoyed reading this post, I just expected something different. I like the video you had of Joe Torre. This video is especially powerful because he is such a successful person, yet he came from a harmful home life. I also like the call to action for BYU students. We may not feel like we alone can make a difference, but your quote by Margaret Mead sums it up nicely. That quote is a great way to conclude your post.
ReplyDeleteI feel that the topic of violence in the home and the fear that stems from that are directly correlated. I chose to focus more on how we can change the mentality of those who grow up in these home. I agree that the title could probably be changed though. I was so amazed when I found that video. I never would have known! Seeing this just reinforced the knowledge that a person can choose what they do in their life, no one can make them become someone they aren't. Once the violence is taken out of the picture, the child then makes choices that influence them and the people around them. Making a difference doesn't have to be a huge thing. Anything helps. Thanks for your comments!
DeleteI love that you brought up what we can do in order to try to stop this domino-sequence of violence. It amazes me how much one person can make a difference in someone else’s life, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, fear of being hurt can also be experienced by the person attempting to help, so I wish that there was some other solution that could stop this cycle from occurring.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who was not raised in an abusive home, I can’t really relate, but my home was broken in that my parents were divorced when I little. I feel that fear of being hurt can also be applied here – I wonder if the emotional damage that comes from living in a split home carries on into later life. Could a similar pattern of divorce due to fear of being emotionally hurt be started similar to this?
I felt that a call to action was needed. It doesn't have to be something big, but to someone out there your actions could be what changes their whole life. With the cycle you referred to, I think that it is impossible to avoid being hurt in that situation. The people who are abused are hurt, their friends and family are hurt, and everyone who finds out struggles to know what they could have done to change it. I think that in any broken family situation the children--and the parents--are affected in ways that can be hard to understand. I grew up in a single parent home, which could be considered a broken family too. There is a lot of emotional hurt that continues to plague people long after they have grown. The pattern can be paralleled with almost any broken family situation. Children see what their parents have, see their parent's actions and when they are disappointing the child may begin to dread having that same relationship. They may not know how to have a "normal" relationship, having not had an example of that growing up.
DeleteI fear I've gone off on a tangent! Thanks so much for your comments. It was really interesting and you brought up many ideas I hadn't thought of.